My Wish For You.
10/2025
Hello,
This is Rolando, your Peruvian Shaman, and I'd like to share a personal lesson with you. This is a topic that comes up in our work many times and I think this message can benefit a lot of people that are challenged by this task, based on the concept that our society has of forgiveness. So buckle up because this might make your head spin!
First of all, in order for us to even consider the conversation of forgiveness, first there must be an offense, a violation of boundaries of some kind. Without such there would be no need to forgive, right? And when there's an offense, there is an offender. After this, it is understandable to experience anger, resentment or even hate towards the offender. This is especially true if the offense was unforgiveable.
This resentment, or negative feeling is toxic and it's going to create disharmony in your health, your mental stability, your life. It won't affect the offender in any way. You may think that by holding onto this anger you'll be punishing them, but that's not the case at all. They are living their life as always, and maybe reminded when they see your attitude towards them. All the while it consumes you everyday. One of my mentors likes to say "It's like drinking poison and hoping it kills the other person".
So, now I want to remind you of the concept of Karma we shared in the last entry. If Karma takes care of such offenses, then it is not up to us to punish the offender, or even be a "guard dog" until they receive their punishment. The best thing to do, for your own wellbeing, is to release all judgement towards the offender, and trust that the Universe will take care of it. Without you having to ensure this happens (that's what trust is).
That is my definition of forgiveness: I release all judgements I have towards someone who offended or hurt me. I let go of my need to punish the offender, or to be mean towards them. I hold no negative feelings towards them either, as I trust it is their Karma and it does not need to affect me, or the rest of my life. In doing so, I set myself free and I can live in peace.
Why is this so important? Because forgiveness is how you can clear your own Karma. You can release yourself of the attachments you have towards the offenders in your life, so you can enjoy a life of love, joy, peace, and freedom! <-- That's my wish for you.
Now, in case you haven't heard of it, I'm going to share a prayer which is a powerful tool to use for this purpose. It is called Ho'oponopono and it is a Hawaiian prayer of forgiveness and reconciliation to clear the energy between you and another person. It consists of four phrases which must be used with clear intention:
- I'm sorry
- Please forgive me
- Thank You
- I love you
"I'm sorry" taking ownership of the actions, thoughts, interpretations, and emotions, related to the offense. "Please forgive me" not because I need your forgiveness, but because I want you to be free of the resentments you hold towards me (as mentioned above). "Thank you" expressing gratitude for the lessons, growth, blessings, healing that came out of this situation. "I love you" allowing yourself to experience love and compassion towards that person.
This can be done in a meditation (on your own, or using the guided meditations available on YouTube, Spotify, etc.), in written form, verbally by yourself or with a coach, or even, if you're ready, in person with the one you want to clear space with. In the latter, if the other person does not know about this process, they don't need to know what you're doing. So it doesn't need to be as structured, you can simply say it in conversational form, for example if you want to clear the space with someone who hurt you and you love very much, you can say something along the lines of:
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings. I know now how much my words and actions affected you and it was not my intention to hurt you. So, I ask that you please forgive me for all the pain I caused you. I want you to know how special you are to me and that I appreciate everything you've done for me, and for that I thank you. You are a very important part of my life and I love you."
I would only consider doing this in person with someone who really matters to me to have in my life. Otherwise, doing it at a distance would suffice. So, even writing a letter can be efficient without sending it, but writing it as if it was to be sent. So, if they ghosted you and you have no way of contacting them, you can still do it at a distance. What matters most is the intention.
Some of you may ask, how can I say "I'm sorry" for something that was done to me? Well, it's about owning your part in it. For example if someone insulted you, you could say "I'm sorry I gave you the impression that it was ok to insult me", or "I'm sorry I let you think this was a relationship based on disrespect". The important thing is that you find the part that you can own and apologize for.
Forgiveness is a big part of healing. Even step #8 of Alcoholics Anonymous involves forgiving everyone for everything. It's a big task and not everyone is ready for that. Which is why I always say we will do our healing work at your pace. Because healing takes time and some parts of the journey are easier than others.
Lastly, and I can't give enough emphasis to this, forgiving does not mean what they did "is ok", or that they are welcome to be a part of your life and hurt you again (as in the case of Scorpions). As we mentioned in the first Love entry, we can forgive them fully and completely, and knowing now what they can do, we release them to their own destiny. They do not need to be a part of your life if you don't want to. You simply don't have any judgements or negative emotions towards them. It's their Karma, and as you forgive them they can be out of your mind and out of your life.
I hope you found some value in the lessons I've learned on forgiveness. I know it may challenge the concepts our society has about forgiveness. It took me years (since 2013) to develop a clear understanding of forgiveness. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. And I'm sorry if it triggered you in any way. Please forgive me as that was not my intention. Thank you for understanding and for taking the time to read this message. I hope you know I only share this because I love you. ;)
In Ayni,
Rolando (Peruvian Shaman)
Ayni Holistic Healing
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